SINGAPORE: THE CANING

 Before we left Guam in retrospect is:  
GUAM- NAVAL BASE
We had an amazing tour from Ray Stiers.  He was so full of info and fun. It was possibly one of the best trips. I apologies upfront there was so much info thrown at Kevin and me, and I didn’t want to sit and write- we wanted to enjoy all the info and sights and I am trying to remember what we were told so some facts may be wrong, names butchered and giant missing chunks.
Off the top, before we get all histories out, we heard some people talking, and there is so little violent crime here; it is insane, no murders, beggars, but there are thieves. The coldest temp recorded in Guam- is 70 degrees (this was my view out of the hotel).

Before Europeans landed in Guam, the only animals to climb onshore here were crabs, No bugs either. The Europeans brought everything (diseases, flies, lizards and so on) Chamorro (Guam natives) believed hell was in the sky and heaven was in the ground, they feared the sky because of weather.



 IT is a significant travel day- and Carol, Stephen, Downey, and I are talking about Singapore- here is what I learned and shared with the group.


KEVIN DOWNEY JR’s hero Micheal Fay.
DESCRIPTIONS OF THE EXPERIENCE BY MEN WHO HAVE BEEN CANED: The famous Micheal Fay was Quoted (Downey’s hero)
“Someone said ‘count one!’ and he took three steps, swinging (the cane) back and forth, before hitting me on the third step. You hear a crack when it hits you. About a second went by and then it just burned all through my body. And it hurts, it does hurt. I felt a deep burning sensation throughout my body, real pain. My flesh was ripped open.” (4 strokes)

AFTER EFFECTS: THE HEALING OF THE WOUNDS: The wounds of caning take several weeks to heal. “My buttocks swelled a little bit ... the injuries hurt for about five days after which they itched as they healed. In the first couple of days, it was tough to sit. Now on one side, there are three dark brown scar patches on my right buttock, and four lines each about 1. 2cm wide on my left buttock, where the flesh was torn (Michael Fay - 4 strokes)

The thing everyone knows when you say Singapore is their laws:” Singapore’s government is strict on drug laws, with the death penalty applied for drug trafficking (guess we won’t be sneaking VIAGRA out of Guam). It is also against the entry of firearms, controlled drugs, and endangered species of wildlife, chewing gum and cigarette lighters in the shape of a gun. Smoking in public buses, the taxis, elevators, and air-conditioned places is also deemed against the law, with fines up to 1,000 bucks. The government is also adamant that littering is an offense and carries penalties of a fine of $1,000 or more; and even a stint of corrective work order”. But what really looms over us on this trip is what it will take to get Kevin Downey Jr. Caned- so without further ado let us talk caning:

Kev goes for a kiss

Judicial corporal punishment by caning is in widespread use for males in Singapore. Thousands of floggings are ordered each year.
Men are caned not only for serious crimes but sometimes also for non-violent offenses. Like illegal entry, sale or transport of fireworks, vandalism, traffic offenses, stealing material from other comics(look out hacks), or crimes committed by companies they own or manage.

About to drop a HIROSHIMA.

Many people want to know- Her Mark “WHAT CANING ENTAILS” just that and en of a cane and your tail.
Caning in Singapore is administered across the bare ass, he (meaning Downey) is stripped naked and shackled by sturdy leather straps, held down in a bent-over position with his buttocks protruding (nothing he isn’t used to so far). He is then punished by a well-built warder wielding a flexible four-foot-long length of rattan, which has been soaked in water (Kevin usually has to pay extra for that).

 
So Mark, “WHY WILL DOWNEY GET CANED?”

SAKI in a juice box. I love this place (Tokyo)

There are dozens of offenses for which a man might be given the cane other than being old. from serious violent crimes to some non-violent offenses that seem relatively minor in the good ole US of A. here, they are regarded as severe. In Singapore, like well, sale or use of chewing gum is an offense (though not a caneable one) and where people can be prosecuted and fined significant sums. Also, for dropping litter (I like it), smoking in public places, or failing to flush a public toilet after use (no pearl harbor pranks here, I guess).

 David Lee Roth

As a mandatory sentence where Downey can’t talk his way out: Caning is necessary for over 40 different offenses. These range from serious crime, such as rape, robbery, or drug-trafficking, to lesser offenses -- possession of offensive weapons (such as a knife, dagger or sword or a sense of humor like John Trueson), vandalism (joke stealing, spray painting or a second offense of putting a poster to a wall), or the sale, transport, delivery, or import of fireworks.




Men who enter Singapore illegally or overstay their visas by more than 90 days automatically receive a minimum of 3 strokes of the cane. (Downey has no worries here he like to do as little work as possible- but overstaying his welcome can happen instantly, just ask the Japanese family who left the hot tub as soon as Downey got in).

BIG HITS USA: excellent Japanese version of MTV

REO SPEED WAGON

RATT

Caning is optional for many further offenses in case the mayor likes Downey he can choose:
These include rioting, extortion, living off the earnings of prostitution (sorry Downey), manslaughter, and causing hurt. It has also been introduced for the third offense for certain road traffic offenses.

PRINCE

Mark, we were wondering, “WHO ORDERS THE PUNISHMENT”: Anyone who has to sit through Downeys act would order one, but only Superintendent, the Prison Governor, or the Visiting Justices can act on it, so aren’t inviting them.

“HOW MANY STROKES ARE GIVEN”: The Criminal Procedure Code lays down that 24 strokes is the maximum that can be ordered at any one trial. The strokes must all be inflicted on the same occasion, and not in installments. The Prison cane is 1.2 meters long and 1.3 cm. Thick. It is about as long as a broom handle and as thick as a man’s little finger – Nothing Downey can’t handle either way it is used. THE PREPARATION OF THE CANES IMPORTANT-  The cane is soaked overnight in water, so it is supple and properly lubed for Mr. Downey- no bareback on his bareback. The Prisons Department says this is to prevent it from splitting and shearing the skin. However, it is treated with antiseptic before use, and I think we all think that’s mighty nice of them.

I need to come back to Japan, everyone is so polite is impressive. Free booze on the plane, 15 channels with movies, video games, and so on. I watched some nature shows with horrible translations that made me laugh out loud. Then I found Big Hits USA. This little old man introduces videos, and it was awesome. Downey took advantage of free wine and that Paul Giamatti wine movie.

We are staying at the navy hotel. We got in late, picked up food, and checked in. The rooms are 4 bedroom suites. The boys are all staying together- we didn’t need 16 bedrooms.