Getting Ready for the Big Trip

Thursday before I leave: it’s time to make sure I had everything for the journey. I got the Itinerary for the trip, I know what I need. I leave Sunday, but I am performing at The Funny Bone in Pittsburgh (well Cranberry) Friday and Sat and may not have time to run and get what I need.

Thurs Morning 6:30AM
The day starts with an interview at WKBN Ny Gretta Mittereder http://www.wkbn.com/content/about/staff/story/Greta-Mittereder/e1eEzacFKUOMOIfZmAM_fA.cspx my hometown news station. I am one of the few comics I know who likes the Moring press. The reasons peeps don’t like it is going into these things. You never know what to expect. Entertainers know behind the walls of morning news or radio is a scary place, you are entering someone else’s world. You don’t know what their idea for you is, sometimes they want to “play a gag” or “Out funny the comic,” and they usually think that you know their format. So these can be nerve-racking for many reasons. Not the case one bit here...I came in and met two awesome folks: Greta and Tony, It was quick and painless, I had a lot of fun. When it comes out, I’ll have to post it.

10:30AMish
I needed stuff for the trip. As usual, my mom is going shopping with me, this is sometimes a bad idea, and I hate shopping and can’t sit in a store for more than 10minutes without getting restless. I try not to put others through the hell I go through when shopping. So when my mom offered, I was a little reluctant to say yes. My mom is adorable and sweet; she wants everything to be comfortable for me and pleasant for the big trip. I had last minute stuff I needed to get, so what the heck; I can spend an afternoon with my mom, which is never a bad thing. My mom is one of the only people who get my “real” sense of humor. No matter how dark or awful of something, I say she will laugh harder than me and usually will top whatever I say with zero judgment. She made sure I got the best of everything for the trip. Did you know most alarm clocks DO NOT have time zones or 24hour options(military time)? You can use your iPod and do both. I will be in Kuwait time zone military time during the trip. We made the trip to the army navy, wall mart, and some rib joint in the middle of the ghetto. Let’s just say we had some laughs and saw some stuff that http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/would love to get a hold of.

5:00 PM Lunch with Ronnie and Elvis
Ronnie and I went to lunch at my old grade school turned restaurant. The food was excellent, and I saw they were having an Elvis Impersonator... I asked about it and low and behold the owner, and Elvis Joined us for lunch. We laughed shared stories, and I got a cd and 8x10 autograph of the king... nice.

There are a couple questions I am asking myself: Am I nervous, or should I be? I’m not, is that weird- I just feel safe I am going to be with Americas Warriors. I grew up in Youngstown and live in queens now, I moved to NYC by myself at the age of 17. This could be the safest I ever was. Will I miss the super bowl? I hope not- the troops want to watch it! I am Leaving my nephew on Sunday (who I don’t see enough), my parents and Angie- this is tough, but what about those guys who have kids and go over longer 2 or 3 tours in a row. God, that’s rough. Military wives are god sent to be able to deal with this- Hats off to you!

This is Ryker and I kicking it before I leave.

7:00PM Drinks
Seeing old friends was excellent, we went for drinks at night, and I shared through this blog we can stay in touch, so join, and we can type back and forth, and you can see what I’m doing. The only one who seems interested- you guessed correctly... Ryker.

He stays in touch but spells like shit.


To hear what’s going on, I am doing remotes with Fast Freddie on 93.3 The Wolf. I hope you stay tuned! Listen, read, enjoy!

The world is just a big High School

I wanted to break down the world as a whole kind of how I see it. Anything in the world could be a John Hughes (or any high school movie) Movie. I grew up on these, and I think it doesn't teach you "What it's trying to teach you," but it sets you up to realize these movies are showing you no matter when or where - it's the same all over.

The US and Canada are brothers their parents are (Think the Pickford's in dazed and confused):

The Conservative Father: "I don't want my kid to take shit from anyone; don't worry about others you go get the prize". "Go to church every Sunday, get good grades and Win!" The kind of dad who chews out his 3rd-grade son for striking out in the little league. Calling him looser and making him cry in the dugout.


Liberal Mom: She doesn't believe in violence, "That solves nothing- treat everyone good and the way you want to be treated. Don't worry about winning. Just do your best and have fun". She wants to feed the entire team after the game and have them over to swim while pops are pissed these brats are using his pool eating his food and they ain't doing anything for him.

United States: Grew up to be the All American captain of the football team, Head of the student council, Prom King that everyone loves and respects (to his face), but when their home the jealousy hits and they secretly want to see him fail. He gets what he wants even if he uses force. He hasn't had to do much of that because most people fear his wrath and he runs the school. The UN is the student council looking out for the good of the school, and the Military is the football team; the stronger he gets, the faster everyone else starts criticizing.

Canada: US's little brother who isn't athletic and needs his older brother. His older brother takes care of him, saves him from bullies Gives him some status. He loves his brother but will be the first to criticize him and cut him down around his friends. Canada is so proud to go to The Us room and put on his football jersey and helmet and talk how much better at football he is (even though he isn't on the team). I would say close to Patric Dempsey in "Can't Buy me Love".

Australia: He is Canada's best friend, looks up to the US, acts as the US, but when he is with Canada, he complains about the US and his older sister England. He is Mitch Kramer from dazed and confused with the older sister, who is dating the captain of the football team.

Canada In the car with his friends:


England: Head cheerleader, popular, good looking, smart, some say snobby and full of herself. She had a few years where she was a control freak but seems to be comfortable with herself now. She is going steady with America, they are always together through thick and thin, even if they disagree with each other they stick up for and defend one another. She was very mean to her brother when they were young. She would include him once in a while now that the US likes him.

Switzerland: The guidance counselor, not taking a side and just wants everyone to do well. He also likes everyone to know his office is a safe place. You can say anything, and you won't be judged. Not a lot of personality, but that can be a good thing, everyone likes him.

France: Head of the drama club, artsy, snooty, looks down his nose at America and thinks he is a brute who needs to be slowed down even though he helped him when they were kids. A little sensitive, a little critical, but not a bad person. He is a complainer; he has a look on his face as if he smells a fart but just for a second. He had a little history with England and has some jealous feelings about America and England and thinks he is more suited for her. France and England are neighbors who in grade school ran the school together in a love-hate relationship. France loves talking to Canada and is trying to get him to be more like him than the US. A young Vego in Ghostbusters.

Spain: Was America in grade school, best athlete, smart and cool but quite growing and dropped out of sports. He started being a stoner, and everyone likes him; he is around but mellowed out since the old days. He is Slater in Dazed and Confused.

Here the Us, Spain, and England get caught smoking by conservative dad and liberal mom then it cuts to Australia's baseball game:


The African Countries: are the poor ditch kids. People overlook them because they don't want to get into their problems. They live on the other side of the tracks, even if we like one of them; no one really wants to go there to help them out. Their neighborhood is a dangerous trailer park where no matter how tough you are, it is still very dangerous.

Germany: is the weird quiet kid who has a past, not a bully, but you're not sure if he will show up to graduation with a gun, so everyone stays on his right side. The German dude in "Can't Hardly Wait" that sings Welcome to the Jungle."

Israel: The foreign exchange student who came to school halfway through the year. Some ignore him, some resent him because he is new and the football team likes him even though he wasn't here the whole year. Once in a while, someone picks on him because he is small and new.

The Middle East: is like the Shop/Motorhead kids. They switch sides with who is with the metal shop, woodshop, and car repair. None of them get along, and even when they do, they don't trust each other. They have all the tools, and the other kids want to use them, so they have to go to the shop even though it's confusing there, and you're never sure who is with whom.

Mexico: is the janitor.

What am I doing this for?!

Culture, ain't I? Well, my description should probably let you in on... I'm not that full of myself, I'm not grandiose with opinions that are going to blow your socks off, but I want to be in touch with people on my adventure to IRAQ and KUWAIT on my ARMED FORCES TOUR 2010!
I am so dammed psyched to do this. I can't sleep, just as good though I have 5 radio spots to do in-state college PA in an hour from now. ESPN, FROGGY 101, and some others...
Looking forward to my Ray Lewis vs. the Colts bit, I wrote...
I kinda feel a hipster writing a "BLOG"... You know, that "too cool for school", "look at me" thing? It is where you pretend to be so crucial because of my opinion matters. Oh, and it is forever on the world-wide-web, wow, I am essential. Oh, maybe I should get a mocha latte-pachino and rub my butt cheeks and sit at a Starbucks in a fluffy turtle neck and go "HHHMMMMMM I got to work on my blog." I warned you this is going to get weird. I think writing, staying in touch with people, trying to make it funny, post pics of these adventures in real-time will be fun for anyone who knows me. If you don't know me- you may laugh for other reasons.
Before I go over to the Middle East or "M.E." to those in Hipster Land (that was a pretentious joke), I will Post a couple short blogs to talk sports, prep work for the tour and other runna da mill crap I think you will enjoy, so enjoy.